Rest in Peace Taylor Hawkins🤍

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The day that Taylor Hawkins passed, I saw a post on Tumblr that didn’t explicitly say what happened and having seen my fair share of fake information on the internet, I thought it might just be a sick joke. With my heart rapidly sinking into my stomach, I opened Instagram and saw the Foo Fighters post. It wasn’t a sick joke, there hadn’t been a mistake, he was really gone. I started crying, really crying, stopping and then starting again seeing all of the posts from people online and the lives he touched. So much of what I felt was shock, because Foo Fighters are one of those bands I expected to be around forever. They’ve been around so long and have never lost their love and excitement of music, least of all Dave Grohl and Taylor Hawkins. They always seemed like the kind of band that would play until they couldn’t anymore, still sell out stadiums well into their 70’s. On a more selfish note, I expected to see them in concert many more times, because that’s what was supposed to happen. They were supposed to be around for a lot longer. Taylor was supposed to be around a lot longer than 50. He was supposed to keep banging the shit out of his drums in a tank top and funky pants. He was supposed to keep gushing about Queen and doing the Freddie Mercury call-and-response with the audience every night. He was supposed to keep being a beam of energy, positivity, and kindness.

Taylor didn’t sing lead vocals on many Foo Fighters songs, but he had a great voice. There’s a song called “Cold Day in the Sun” from In Your Honor (2005) that Taylor sang that always sticks in my head because of the lyrics. I felt a connection to him because when I hear the song I feel like he must have seen the inside of my mind. I would encourage you to go listen to the song and look at all the lyrics, but I’ll put the ones that mean so much to me here:

You get so lost in your head like no one else

It’s your cold day in the sun

it looks like your bleeding heart

has already won

Taylor’s death hit me hard because Foo Fighters are one of my favorite bands and hold a very special place in my heart for being tied to and getting me through one of the worst times in my life. I’m only 21 but I feel pretty confident with that statement because I highly doubt and very much hope I am never again hit by a car. In 2017, on my mom’s birthday and the day Concrete and Gold, Foo Fighters’ ninth album was released, I was hit by a car on my way to school. I had already heard the album a few times and was halfway through the first song, “T-Shirt” when I was hit. I couldn’t walk for about five weeks and I made jokes about matching Dave, who broke his leg falling off a stage in 2015. When I was able to walk again (with crutches), I cracked myself up by playing “Walk” on the drive from my physical therapy appointment to school. In November of that year, when I could walk again, I saw them perform in Sioux Falls. Basically what I’m saying is they were a part of a traumatic event in my life, from beginning to end. I’ll forever be grateful that they made a pretty objectively shitty thing in my life a bit better. I’ll never forget that show or watching Taylor play, especially during “Sunday Rain” when he sang and played his heart out on a raised platform. I was completely entranced and in awe of his abilities.

In general, Foo Fighters bring such joy and silliness to their music (just watch some of their music videos). Their true love for music is so energizing and beautiful to see. Taylor had such a genuine love of music that was always clear when he performed and when he talked about music. Though the Foos have some beautiful sad songs, there is true happiness to the band as a whole that reminds me art can be fun and light, it doesn’t all have to be heavy. Their music reminds me what good feelings life can bring, that the fast beating in my chest wasn’t intended for constant anxiety. Yes this post is for Taylor, but it’s also for the whole band. My thoughts are with them and Taylor’s family and friends.

Here are some moments that highlight what a talent and light Taylor Hawkins was in this world:

Taylor Hawkins: known Queen fanatic
“Rope” has always been a favorite of mine. I love the harmonies and Taylor’s many drum solos
…one more drum solo for good measure

Thank you for all the wonderful music Taylor ❤️🦅

Snapshot Book Review: I Would Leave Me If I Could

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Title: I Would Leave Me If I Could: A Collection of Poetry

Author: Halsey

My Rating: ★★★1/2

Goodreads Summary: “Grammy-award nominated, platinum-selling musician Halsey is heralded as one of the most compelling voices of her generation. In I Would Leave Me If I Could, she reveals never-before-seen poetry of longing, love, and the nuances of bipolar disorder.”

TW: mentions of rape, abuse

My Thoughts:

The whole book is written in free verse, but there were a few themes Halsey focused on, which made the book feel cohesive. It also felt like a good form to express difficult topics such as rape and abuse, because she could express them in an open way without restrictions. The strongest aspect of her poetry is her use of imagery. They used a lot of imagery that is memorable and often unpleasant, but does a great job of getting the feelings across they are conveying. It reminds me a lot of Sylvia Plath’s imagery, which is often uncomfortable but so well utilized, and one of the reasons her poetry is so good. But back to Halsey…

From “Introduction”

She stretches my nostrils wide

until her slimy hand crawls past my deviated septum,

in between my eyes,

and into my brain.

p.1

From “Tornado”

My fingers graze your arm

and I can feel little electric volts

wrapping up and around my wrists

like a spiral staircase

like a static handcuff

holding my hand hostage to your skin.

p.64

There were some poems where her line breaks felt random or like they were a bit awkward. I think a few poems would have been better as prose poems, because the language was really strong, but they felt weak formally, which weakened the poem overall. There was also a section of poems that used a-b-a-b or similar rhyme schemes, which only fit some of them. A few were about childhood experiences and using a sing-song like rhyme scheme is great for those poems, but others did not really fit and just made the poem feel childlike, which didn’t fit the topic of the poem. But even the poems that needed some more work in the form were still strong in terms of language and again, imagery.

Overall, I think Halsey wrote a really solid book of poetry and I would love to read more of their poetry!

Playlist:

I picked some Halsey songs that are some of my favorite lyrically, since she has long been showcasing her talent for writing through music ❤

  1. Control
  2. Forever…(is a long time)
  3. Trouble – Stripped
  4. Finally//beautiful stranger
  5. Hurricane
  6. 929
  7. Angel on Fire
  8. Castle
  9. Nightmare
  10. I’m Not Mad

You can listen to the playlist here.

Thank you for reading! 💙

Book Review: Hannibal Rising

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Title: Hannibal Rising (Hannibal Lecter #4)

Author: Thomas Harris

My Rating: ★★1/2

Goodreads Summary: “Hannibal Lecter emerges from the nightmare of the Eastern Front, a boy in the snow, mute, with a chain around his neck. He seems utterly alone, but he has brought his demons with him. Hannibal’s uncle, a noted painter, finds him in a Soviet orphanage and brings him to France, where Hannibal will live with his uncle and his uncle’s beautiful and exotic wife, Lady Murasaki. Lady Murasaki helps Hannibal to heal. With her help he flourishes, becoming the youngest person ever to be admitted to medical school in France. But Hannibal’s demons visit him and torment him. When he is old enough, he visits them in turn. He discovers he has gifts beyond the academic, and in that epiphany, Hannibal Lecter becomes death’s prodigy.”

My Thoughts:

I really enjoyed seeing Hannibal as a child and getting more of an understanding for how he turned into a monster. Through seeing the beginning of his life, it is clearer the trauma he experienced and how that could lead someone down a dark path. (Admittedly the path is not usually as dark as Hannibal’s). However, anyone who experienced the kind of trauma Hannibal did as a small child would have difficulties later in life, which makes Hannibal a more sympathetic character. Although there was an aspect of this in the last book, Hannibal, this novel shows Hannibal having a purpose for his violence. He often doesn’t, or doesn’t in a way that makes any reasonable sense to anyone else, but Hannibal wants revenge on those who hurt the people he loves. It makes his character more relatable, as readers can understand the strong want to protect those they love.

Hannibal Rising was by far my least favorite book in the series, mostly because it was boring. There were some great scenes, but parts of it just felt too slow. At times there was too much detail or it was repetitive, especially at the beginning. Overall, it was just a lot less compelling. Additionally, Lady Murasaki is sexualized throughout the novel in a way other women are not. She’s literally described as exotic in the book summary. On one hand she is like a mother figure to Hannibal, and I liked the bond they had (until later in the book), but she is discussed in mostly sexual ways and through her relationships with men. But again, Harris often writes sort of one dimensional female characters.

I will note that Harris was sort of forced into writing Hannibal Rising under threat of losing his rights to the character Hannibal Lecter by the film producer, Dino De Laurentis. Given that he did not want to write the novel and was being pressured, I understand why it was not as good as the rest of the novels in the series.

Thanks so much for reading! I also reviewed Red Dragon, Silence of the Lambs, and Hannibal if you are interested!

Book Review: Hannibal

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Title: Hannibal (Hannibal Lecter #3)

Author: Thomas Harris

My Rating: ★★★★

Goodreads Summary: “Years after his escape, posing as scholarly Dr. Fell, curator of a grand family’s palazzo, Hannibal lives the good life in Florence, playing lovely tunes by serial killer/composer Henry the VIII and killing hardly anyone himself. Clarice is unluckier: in the novel’s action-film-like opening scene, she survives an FBI shootout gone wrong, and her nemesis, Paul Krendler, makes her the fall guy. Clarice is suspended, so, unfortunately, the first cop who stumbles on Hannibal is an Italian named Pazzi, who takes after his ancestors, greedy betrayers portrayed in Dante’s Inferno. Pazzi is on the take from a character as scary as Hannibal: Mason Verger. When Verger was a young man busted for raping children, his vast wealth saved him from jail. All he needed was psychotherapy — with Dr. Lecter. Thanks to the treatment, Verger is now on a respirator, paralyzed except for one crablike hand, watching his enormous. brutal moray eel swim figure eights and devour fish. His obsession is to feed Lecter to some other brutal pets.”

My Thoughts:

*TW: rape*

I found Hannibal to be the most disturbing and realistic of the 3 of 4 books I have read so far. The focus on Mason Verger being a rapist and using his money to avoid imprisonment is far more real than the villains in Red Dragon and The Silence of the Lambs. There is story after story of successful men who have paid their way out of rape charges. Additionally, Clarice being thrown under the bus by her male coworker because he is jealous of her success is not exactly the most outlandish idea I’ve ever heard. However, I will note that the idea of a white FBI Agent getting suspended for shooting a black drug dealer who shot first is ridiculous. Police don’t even get in trouble for murdering innocent people, let alone armed drug dealers. Clarice also displays abuse of power, like threatening an immigrant with turning him in unless he helps her. Krendler and Pazzi also show many many examples of this, which I liked, because even though I love Clarice and didn’t want to see her be a bad person, I think Harris is accurately showing the power the police and FBI have and how too many abuse that power, even those who are generally good.

To expand on my earlier idea, Hannibal is more scary because Mason makes my skin crawl in a way Hannibal never does. Don’t get me wrong, Hannibal is terrible, but Mason rapes children. Hannibal kills people to eat them, but never harms children and tortures Mason for enacting such violence against children. This is an interesting dynamic, because it makes Hannibal more complex as a character and makes clearer that he does have a moral code he sticks to, although it is convoluted and usually objectively wrong. My heart broke for Margot, Mason’s sister, who suffered a lot of abuse from him as a child, and is a lesbian in a family that is deeply religious and will not give her any inheritance money because of this (unless she has a biological heir). Instead, all the money will go to the Southern Baptist Church when Mason dies. This novel also focuses more on Hannibal’s internal thoughts and Hannibal in general. It was interesting to be in his head and to learn about the trauma he faced as a child, which contributed to him becoming a cannibalistic serial killer.

There were a few things I did not love about Hannibal. First off, Margot is a quite a stereotypical lesbian, which if there were other lesbians in the novel (other than Judy, Margot’s partner whom who know basically nothing about), would be more okay. But she’s not just a stereotype, her portrayal is sort of homophobic, because it is insinuated that she is hardly a women at all. When we first meet her, Clarice mistakes her for a man and Harris does not present a more positive impression of her. There is also a line about her taking hormones, which leads me to think Harris may have confused being a lesbian and being a trans man.

Her cornsilk hair had receded enough to make Starling wonder if she took steroids and had to tape her clitoris down.

p.58

The homophobia doesn’t stop there! Mason tried to seduce Hannibal in order to get out of therapy, giving us readers another lovely gay-man-is-a-child-molester trope. (This obviously did not work well for Mason).

My main issue with this book is the ending. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. *Spoiler alert* (I hate it so much I need to discuss it): Clarice marries Hannibal and they run off to Argentina together. I’m sorry…fucking what?! I knew how it ended, but I was hoping Clarice was drugged or something. Nope. It was by choice (she was drugged by him for a while before though). They’re like dancing on balconies and going to the opera, like just any other happy, rich couple. Once again, Harris does a sub-par job with a female character. I don’t know who this woman is, but it’s not Clarice Starling, that’s for damn sure.

Once again, I enjoyed comparing the book to Hannibal (NBC), because of I had seen the show first, and Margot is so different, but I love her in both the TV show and the book. Cause this is what she looks like in the show:

This many images was not necessary but I love Margot

This was largely because the creators of the show (namely Bryan Fuller) took issue with Harris’ descriptions of Margot as well. It was interesting to read the original text after watching and falling in love with Hannibal (NBC). The plots are different, but the characters are all the same, so it was cool to see how they were similar and different. Speaking of lesbians, I am only more convinced Clarice and Ardelia should be together, especially because the ending of Hannibal was so bad. Clarice deserves better! (And by better I mean a partner that isn’t a fucking serial killer).

Lastly, I love how Harris organized this novel! Switching between many plots until they all collide is always a favorite of mine. It’s so intriguing to watch it happen and keeps me on my toes. I think of the Hannibal Lecter books, Hannibal is my favorite so far, because of the storytelling and how the plots combine and occur. Once again, like with every Hannibal Lecter book, I had issues with Harris’ portrayals of women and LGBT people, but I still really liked it. If you can get past the ending, Hannibal is great! (I can’t really so I’m just gonna pretend that never happened).

Thanks for reading! I reviewed Red Dragon and The Silence of the Lambs as well if you’re interested 🙂

Book Review: The Silence of the Lambs

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Title: The Silence of the Lambs (Hannibal Lecter #2)

Author: Thomas Harris

My Rating: ★★★1/2

Summary: “A serial murderer known only by a grotesquely apt nickname — Buffalo Bill — is stalking women. He has a purpose, but no one can fathom it, for the bodies are discovered in different states. Clarice Starling, a young trainee at the FBI Academy, is surprised to be summoned by Jack Crawford, chief of the Bureau’s Behavioral Science section. Her assignment: to interview Dr. Hannibal Lecter — Hannibal the Cannibal — who is kept under close watch in the Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane.”

My Thoughts:

*I usually don’t spoil anything in my reviews, but I sort of did here so I could talk about a few things. Also, I figured a ton of people have seen the movie so I’m not really spoiling anything anyway*

I went into The Silence of the Lambs knowing what would happen, since I’ve seen the movie multiple times, but was still excited to read it and see how it differed from the movie. I have a lot of issues with the plot, but grant Harris some leniency given he released the book in 1988. (Leniency that I will not grant to J.K Rowling, because she’s writing her transphobic horror novels in 2020, with the intent to cause harm). I will address these issues a little later, but for now I’m going to jump into some things I liked.

I have always liked Clarice a lot, so I really enjoyed getting to see more of her internal thoughts throughout the novel. In fact, I found I liked Clarice in the book better overall, which is not to say I didn’t like Jodie Foster’s portrayal of her, but Harris’ Clarice is a bit more assertive and funny. And I love nothing more than a strong female character. I also really enjoyed her friendship with her roommate, Ardelia Mapp. She is in the movie, but way less. In the book, she’s funny and reminds Clarice to take care of herself. Also, the ending of the book would have been a million times better if they ended up together instead of Clarice with some dude the reader barely knows anything about. (I am not the only one who thinks this – there are fanfictions about this ship!) To be fair, maybe it’s just because Clarice was played by Jodie Foster, but she just doesn’t seem straight to me. But of course that would never happen, because Thomas Harris never included good LGBT characters in his stories, he just made them queer in order to make them seem even more sinister and perverse. Fun fun fun. Thanks for that.

One thing Harris does well is depict the everyday sexism Clarice inevitably faces being a women in a male-dominated field. People consistently don’t want to listen to her because she’s a woman or they talk down to her. When she goes to the garage to follow Hannibal’s lead, reporters find out and do not treat her like the FBI Agent in-training she is.

And all the time the men were talking to her, constantly, gently. ‘We won’t touch anything. We’re pros, you don’t have to worry. The cops will let us in anyway. It’s all right, honey.’

p.55

Harris points this out in more direct ways, like when Chilton flirts with Clarice when taking her to Hannibal’s cell. She is there for work and should be treated as though she is.

Like in Red Dragon, the reader gets to see into the mind of the murderer, so Buffalo Bill in this case. Having longer scenes in his perspective also allows for more time with Catherine as a character. She is so incredibly brave and her scenes really highlight that. She was kidnapped after being tricked into helping Buffalo Bill, which is especially sad, since he takes advantage of the fact that she is helpful to strangers. Huge caveat to loving Catherine Martin’s character: Harris made a few scenes weirdly sexual, clearly showcasing that men sometimes just do not have any idea how to write women like regular people. In one scene, Catherine is trying to plan an escape and considers having sex with Buffalo Bill in order to escape.

Would it be better to fuck him first, fuck him as many times as he could do it and wear him out? She knew if she could get her legs around his neck she could send him home to Jesus in about a second and a half.

p.265

I promise you that no woman in Catherine’s situation is thinking about the logistics of seducing and having sex with her kidnapper in order to escape. There’s also this gem…

Catherine Baker Martin’s tears spread hot on her cheeks and fell, plucking at the front of her jumpsuit, soaking through, warm on her breasts, and she believed that she would surely die.

p.269

Now to address the elephant in the room: The Silence of the Lambs is transphobic. Buffalo Bill is skinning women in order to build a female skin-suit. Harris was clearly inspired by the real-life horror of Ed Gein who did this, who had a strange, incestuous obsession with his mother. Harris has insisted that Buffalo Bill is not actually trans, just as the characters in the novel do. However, there is no other logical explanation given really. Hannibal says Buffalo Bill “covets,” but that doesn’t really prove his coveting isn’t due to wanting to be a woman. Additionally, Buffalo Bill has given himself hormones, grown out his hair and calls himself “Mommy” all the time when talking to his dog, Precious. Making trans people seem like crazy murderers is awful. This plot would mayyyybe be more acceptable if there was tons of trans characters on screen and in books, but there aren’t. Having a classic horror novel and movie be focused on the horror of trans people is not exactly the representation the LGBTQ+ community wants. I think it is still okay to enjoy the story, however. I enjoyed reading the book and will likely watch the movie again sometime. I just think it is important to be critical of the media we consume.

One other issue I had with the novel was the pretty much constant body-shaming of women. Buffalo Bill targets larger women so his suit is large enough for his body. This means all of the women Clarice and investigators are looking at are overweight, and they seemed judgmental of that. There were also a lot of assumptions made by Clarice that these women must have had low self-esteem and been looking to prove themselves to others. It’s a dumb stereotype that annoyed me every time it showed up. But Harris doesn’t write the best female characters in general anyway, so I can’t say I was shocked.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading The Silence of the Lambs despite the issues I had with it. I also reviewed the first book in the series, Red Dragon and you can read that here.

Thanks so much for reading!

Book Review: Red Dragon

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Title: Red Dragon (Hannibal Lecter #1)

Author: Thomas Harris

My Rating: ★★★★

Goodreads Summary: “A second family has been massacred by the terrifying serial killer the press has christened ‘The Tooth Fairy.’ Special Agent Jack Crawford turns to the one man who can help restart a failed investigation: Will Graham. Graham is the greatest profiler the FBI ever had, but the physical and mental scars of capturing Hannibal Lecter have caused Graham to go into early retirement. Now, Graham must turn to Lecter for help.”

My Thoughts:

As is expected, Red Dragon is mostly about murder, but the novel also focuses on the mental strain put on FBI agents, which I found interesting. The novel starts with Crawford trying to convince Will to help with a case, but he’s hesitant, as is his wife Molly. Her husband got nearly disemboweled by a serial killing cannibal. I would be hesitant too. Will makes it clear that it is bad for him mentally and Molly says he only recently stopped having nightmares due to his surgically precise stabbing incident. Throughout the novel it is clear the mental toll on Will effects all aspects of his life, making it nearly impossible for him to work with the FBI while having a life outside of work.

You have to shake it off and keep on thinking. I don’t believe I could do it now. I could make myself look, but I’d shut down on the thinking.

Harris switches between focusing on the investigations, Will’s personal life, and the murderer, which I loved. I liked seeing all sides of the story and it kept me intrigued and on edge. Often one chapter would end on a cliffhanger and switch to another part of the story, leaving me desperate to find out what would happen next. Following the murderer around was especially nerve-wracking and intense. (As would be expected).

Harris created an interesting story by including a lot of minuscule details. Will discovered and the Tooth Fairy showed so many small clues that were intriguing and slowly built up tension in the novel. At times I definitely forgot some, but that’s on me, not Harris. (And college, for not giving me enough time to read).

However, I wish the characters had been more prominent. Red Dragon is more plot-based than character-based and I tend to prefer the latter. If a book has a great plot, but the characters are boring, I find myself losing interest. Harris does a great job with both, but I would have liked more focus on characters thoughts and feelings.

That being said, I love the characters Harris created. I love watching Will’s mind work, his sarcastic attitude and his awkward but caring demeanor. The ending of the novel made me sad though, because it kept me wondering about Will, and I know from watching Silence of the Lambs, he isn’t in it. At least I still have a few episodes of Hannibal left!

One character that is written perfectly is Hannibal Lecter. Despite being in the book less than I thought he would be, every scene with him is amazing. He is awful (obviously), but undeniably hilarious. He is both a monster and so human. For example, among the few books in his prison cell, Hannibal has a copy of The Joy of Cooking. (You can’t tell me that isn’t the funniest, most fucked up thing in the world). And he writes letters like (as one Tumblr user, @ailichi pointed out), “a nineteenth century schoolgirl.”

We live in a primitive time — don’t we, Will? — neither savage nor wise. Half measures are the curse of it. Any rational society would either kill me or give me my books.

I also adored Molly, Will’s wife. She is so protective of Will and her son, telling Crawford off when he tries to recruit Will to go back to the FBI. She takes shit from no one, not even Will and I love her for it. She has an especially cool scene at the end of the book that I am obsessed with. She is truly a badass. (Me? Simping for a strong female character?! Pfffft never. *”Woman” by Harry Styles blares in the background*)

One thing that did bother me somewhat (not in a serious way) was the names. There’s Will and his stepson Willy. There’s Frederick Chilton and Freddy (Frederick) Lounds. Harris…buddy…come on. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, I mean this is the guy that named his villain Hannibal the Cannibal. Either way, it makes me feel a lot better about my own lack of character-naming skills.

I was also excited to see that Harris wrote the gay subtext in the original novel. (I mean who doesn’t want some homoeroticism with their cannibalism?!) I wasn’t sure how much was in the original, because there is so much in Hannibal that it is hardly subtext and I didn’t notice it much in the book at first. I was focused on other aspects of the book, ya know, like murder. But from Hannibal smelling Will’s aftershave and recognizing it, to him sending Will letters, it is 100% there. Additionally, Will fears he can understand murderers so well because he is also insane (rather than deeply empathetic like he believes). The connection and similarity to Hannibal also speaks to a deeper connection between the two.

One thing that made reading Red Dragon extra great was watching Hannibal at the same time. I liked comparing characters and finding lines taken directly from the book. Hannibal is very different, but it’s cool to see how inspired the TV show was from the original content. I also watched the movie Red Dragon, and it was good. The acting for some characters was sort of boring (especially Will), but it stuck to the plot closely, which I really appreciate. Overall, I really loved reading Red Dragon!

Thank you so much for reading! To celebrate spooky season, here is Hugh Dancy (who did an amazing job bringing Will Graham to life on screen in Hannibal) carrying some pumpkins 🎃✨

Bloodied Tongue

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Swallowing hard

Pushing down the words

rising to my throat like bile.

Jaw clenched

Barring my teeth like prison bars,

holding back the defenses

quick tongue

pressed between teeth,

calming the snake rearing to bite.

Hungry to speak but too tired to fight.

Book Review: Zombie

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Title: Zombie

Author: Joyce Carol Oates

My Rating: ★★★1/2

Goodreads Summary: “Meet Quentin P., the most believably terrifying sexual psychopath and killer ever brought to life in fiction. The author deftly puts you inside the mind of a serial killer — succeeding not in writing about madness, but in writing with the logic of madness.”

My Thoughts:

*TW: murder, rape*

Zombie was one of the most intense reading experiences I’ve ever had. There were times when I stopped reading for a moment because of how vile it is inside Quentin’s mind. I found myself retreating into my sweatshirt while reading. I don’t think I’ve ever been so disturbed by a book. This is all to say that Oates did an excellent job getting into the mind of a serial killer. This novel is 181 pages and reads quickly at times, but is super hard to get through at others. I quite honestly don’t know how much more I could have taken. Even when I wasn’t reading it, I found myself thinking about it. Quentin has such a deeply disturbing mind devoid of normal emotion and thought that his perspective is hard to let go of, no matter if I wanted to.

Oates’ writing style for this novel works well, but is not necessarily the easiest to read. Given that it’s written from Quentin’s perspective, this makes sense. His thoughts are disjointed and jumbled, spiraling and jumping around in time. Additionally, Oates uses a lot of short sentences and bad grammar, like run-on sentences and lack of capitalization to give authenticity. It makes his mind seem busy and disorganized. This all adds to the disturbing content by making it clear that Quentin does not think like a normal person. She also uses capitalizations of words to add emphasis. This at times is effective, as it makes him seem angry and stuck in a thought pattern or fixated on something. However, at other times, this technique feels awkward and random. I think another way of emphasizing would have made it easier to read (like bolding words).

Zombie is also interesting read because Quentin (or Q_ P_) speaks in first person, but also speaks about himself in the third person. This helps to show he likely has some disconnect between himself and what he’s doing, even though he is fully aware of the horrendous crimes he is committing. Quentin also only uses some people’s real names, otherwise writing a blank, like he does for himself at times. This is interesting, because it gives only some people importance and erases a part of identity. It gives the impression that Quentin doesn’t care enough about others (or himself) to properly identify them. To him, people are unimportant or for his own use, more science experiments than humans.

Quentin skims over some details, but goes into immense detail about other things, like his room. This speaks to his narcissism and how little he cares for others. Later in the book, this escalates to short but horrible depictions of what he does to his victims.

Oates does a great job building Quentin’s character. The readers are introduced to him for around 30 pages before there’s an alarming (creepy) observation made about someone. This helps a lot, since like I’ve said, this book is intense and being eased into it helps a lot.

The story flows well, up until the very end. I hated the end of this book, because there is no ending. It reads like Oates just forgot to write one. It leaves the story feeling unfinished and like more should happen. I wanted more of a conclusion than I got. I felt like the ending and the book in general was missing something I couldn’t quite pinpoint.

Oates clearly did her research and it shows. (Side note: most of my knowledge about serial killers comes from true crime documentaries and high school health class). Quentin has no real emotions, talks about his failed “zombies” like failed experiments rather than dead people and lacks understanding about how the world works. From what I’ve watched, this seems correct and realistic.

Other than the ending, my only real complaint about Zombie is that Quentin is too similar to Jeffrey Dahmer. Oates is certainly capable of writing unique, interesting characters (I found her from reading “Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?” in my Literary Studies class, which has many interesting characters). She would certainly have been able to create her own character from scratch. I have no problem with taking aspects of known murderers to create a character, but Quentin is very similar to Dahmer.

*This is where that trigger warning is really going to come into play*

I am first going to take some fault here and say I know a lot about Dahmer, so I may have noticed this more than someone who doesn’t constantly watch true crime documentaries. Dahmer attempted to make some people unable to think for themselves (and therefore be entirely in his control) by drilling into their brains and then injecting either acid or boiling water. He saved body parts from his victims, who were mostly African – American or other people of color. He raped his victims who were often underaged. He was white in his 20’s – 30’s and gay. While there were other aspects of his crimes Oates did not put into Zombie, she used all of the above. If she had kept only the lobotomizing of victims, but changed the rest, I think I would have found this book more original.

I think that this book is super well written and interesting. I would highly recommend it, but warn everyone that it is hard to read.

Thank you for reading

Book Review: The Other Boleyn Girl

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Title: The Other Boleyn Girl

Author: Philippa Gregory

My Rating: ★★★1/2

Summary: “A rich and compelling novel of love, sex, ambition, and intrigue, The Other Boleyn Girl introduces a woman of extraordinary determination and desire who lived at the heart of the most glamorous court in Europe and survived by following her heart.

When Mary Boleyn comes to court as an innocent girl of fourteen, she catches the eye of Henry VIII. Dazzled, Mary falls in love with both her golden prince and her growing role as unofficial queen. However, she soon realizes just how much she is a pawn in her family’s ambitious plots as the king’s interest begins to wane and she is forced to step aside for her best friend and rival: her sister, Anne. Then Mary knows that she must defy her family and her king and take her fate into her own hands.”

My Thoughts:

On the very first page, Mary watches someone she knows get beheaded, which certainly drew me into the story. I continued to be interested the whole way through the book, which is saying something, since I went into the book knowing what would happen. The perspective also made the story interesting to read. Writing from the viewpoint of a woman, especially someone so often forgotten about made a well known piece of history feel new.

Gregory does a great job of giving readers a feel for what life at court was like without it feeling repetitive. While Mary and Anne Boleyn’s lives were crazy in many ways, life at court could potentially become repetitive to read about. She also did this well in Three Sisters, Three Queens, which I read last spring.

Gregory also clearly shows the complete lack of agency both Mary and Anne had in their lives, particularly when it comes to their relationships with Henry. Mary gets told exactly what to do to charm Henry, down to when she should sleep with him.

Now that I’ve addressed what Gregory did well, I need to discuss the big problem I have with this novel. (Hence the 3.5 stars). Before I say anything, I will acknowledge that this book is from 2001. However, The Other Boleyn Girl is still a popular read for historical fiction about the Tudors, so I think criticizing it is fair.

I found the portrayal of Anne as well as Mary and Anne’s relationship to be sexist. As a character in general, Anne is pretty one-dimensional. Obviously, the novel being from Mary’s perspective, the readers miss Anne’s inner thoughts. Still, Mary was her sister, so it’s safe to assume she would know the real Anne Boleyn better than most. But even with those closest to her, Anne is really mean, heartless and calculated. So basically, the sexist, simplified caricature the public already has of her as a historical figure. This portrayal surprised me somewhat, given that the book was written by a woman known as a feminist and interested in championing the stories of women from history.

Gregory does give Anne a good amount of agency, which I could appreciate, even if mostly involved her being mean to Mary constantly. She is shown to help her family strategize how Mary should keep Henry interested in her. She is really the only woman who talks about wanting autonomy and is shown to be ambitious. But again, she is a w f u l. Having the only woman with ambition being extremely unlikable and then be beheaded seems a bit sexist to me.

An example of other media that gave Anne agency in a much more positive way is The Tudors, a TV series. Anne is shown encouraging Henry to read writings by Martin Luther, giving her a direct and important role in the Reformation. I only include this to show that there are other ways to show Anne’s ambition in a way that shows her intellect, rather than her being manipulative and mean.

Mary and Anne’s relationship and different experiences with Henry and at court also bother me for similar reasons. The focus on Mary and Anne’s rivalry and Anne “stealing” Henry from Mary feels sexist and oversimplified. Sure, they are both shown to be pawns in their family’s plan, but there is also a focus on Mary and Anne fighting over the fact that Henry has been with both of them, during the same time. (This takes place earlier in the story, but still). This somewhat turns a complex game in order to grab power into an oversimplified rivalry between two girls in love with the same man. By focusing on their anger towards each other, Gregory turns Anne into the villain rather than, oh, I don’t know, maybe the guy who cut his wife’s head off??!? (Actually, more than one, but Katherine Howard comes along much later).

Additionally, Mary is shown to be apprehensive and uncomfortable with her role of sleeping with the king at the beginning, and remains the kind, sweet girl throughout the novel. Anne is more comfortable in her role from the get-go, and more matter-of-fact about what she needs to do for her family. This means the plot is essentially one of a sweet girl forced into a bad situation who ends in a happy, loving marriage. But the more ambitious, smart girl gets punished. Of course, Anne would die at the end, but if she was more complex, not just a calculated seductress, this inevitable end would feel less like the classic story of a woman rightfully punished for being intelligent and having ambition.

While I still really enjoyed reading The Other Boleyn Girl, I found the portrayal of Anne to be a big letdown. However, I loved reading from Mary’s perspective and getting into the mindset of what it must have been like to be in her position. I would maybe still recommend this book, because I did really like reading about Mary, but it was also so frustrating to read.

Playlist:

I decided to pick songs that fit lyrically with the novel and then put them in order of what happened. Of course, none of them fit perfectly, except for the song from Six, but I tried. I had a lot of fun making this one 🙂

  1. Doll Parts – Hole
  2. Young God – Halsey
  3. Don’t Lose Ur Head (feat. Christina Modestou) – Six Soundtrack
  4. What Kind of Man – Florence + the Machine
  5. How F*****g Dare You – Lauren Tate
  6. Falling – Florence + the Machine
  7. Heavy Is the Head (feat. Chris Cornell) – Zac Brown Band
  8. Angel on Fire – Halsey
  9. Greensleeves

You can listen to it here 👑

Thank you for reading this feminist rant disguised as a book review 💚

My Month in Music – December (2019)

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I hope you all have had a good start to your 2020! I am posting my last My Month in Music for 2019 and maybe ever. I have done this for two years (sort of) and I’m just ready to be done…but I can’t fully decide. So we’ll see…On to the playlist!

You can listen to it here 🖤

Thank you for reading! Happy listening ❤